There is something I have been wrestling with for almost a year now. Something I have been watching in the church, in families, in marriages, in friendships, and even in myself.

Where is the joy of the Lord?
Not the fake smile or the churchy mask. Not the "blessed and highly favored" line we say while dying inside.
I mean the real joy. The joy that comes from God. The joy that gives strength. The joy that makes you breathe differently. The joy that shows up even when life is not perfect.

The Women I Write For
I know my books deal with heavy things. Heartbreak. Discernment. Waiting. Relationships. Marriage. Pain. Navigating the wrong men. Painfully choosing God's will over our own. And I know sometimes people look at what I write and think it is male bashing or complaining too much. But it is not. Never has been.

There are women who get men who truly love them like Christ loves the church. Men who protect, provide, serve, lead, cover, cherish, and honor their wives. Men who love with patience and purpose. Those men exist and I celebrate them.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
— Ephesians 5:25

But there is another side. A side the church does not like to talk about. A side many women are quietly crying through.
Women who married hoping for Christ but got control instead. Women who fell in love with a promise but now live with pain. Women who prayed for partnership but ended up carrying the entire marriage alone. Women who feel invisible, unheard, unseen, and spiritually exhausted.

These are the women I write for. Because I am one of them. And if my stories can save one woman from heartbreak or lead her back to God's will, or to the right man that will love like Christ really loves the church, then everything I have walked through has purpose.

The Missing Joy
But lately, something has been bothering me. Deeply. It is not just the heartbreak. It is not just the deception. It is not just the relationships falling apart.

It is the absence of joy.

I have been watching the church become a place where everything is false prophets. Everything is correction. Everything is "women cannot do this." Everything is condemnation. Everything is someone being policed. Everything is angry. 

And I look at the faces. I watch the people. And I ask myself: Where is the joy of the Lord? Why do we look so miserable?

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
— Proverbs 17:22

I see Christians who pray, read the word, worship, and serve, but walk out of their prayer closet angry. Frustrated. Judgmental. Cold. Heavy. Oppressed. Hard. Bitter.

A Revealing Moment
I remember being on a cruise recently. Life was life-ing. I was going through some personal things. I was trying to keep my face soft, trying to smile more, trying not to look like what I was walking through but it was not working.

And I remember sitting next to a family. You could tell they were not saved. But there was a bit of joy and happiness. And yes, they probably had their own issues, but their spirit was light.

Then I looked at my own family. Saved. Sanctified. Praying. Fasting. And yet heavy. Miserable. Rigid. Bitter.
And it hit me.

Why would anyone want to become a Christian if we look like we hate living?

We wear shirts that say "Repent," but our faces say "I am suffering and I am miserable."

"Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
— Matthew 5:16

A Prayer for Restoration
And that is when I prayed.
Lord, change my attitude. Restore the joy of the Lord in me. Shift my countenance. Replace my heaviness with Your gladness. Help me carry You well.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
— Psalm 51:12

Because somewhere in Scripture God told us:
Leap for joy. 

"Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven."
— Luke 6:22-23

Joy Is Our Inheritance
This does not mean life will be perfect. It does not mean people will always treat us right. It does not mean heartbreak will not happen.
It means joy is our inheritance. Joy is our identity. Joy is part of our witness.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
— Galatians 5:22-23

People should look at us and see hope. Not perfection, fake smiles or masks. But joy. Real joy. Deep joy. Joy that comes from God.

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."
— 1 Peter 1:8

Reclaiming Our Joy
Being pregnant has also made me more honest. I am speaking my mind more. And to be real, I refuse to be around miserable Christians. I will leave a whole country if I have to, to find my joy again, because I refuse to let that spirit near me and my child. I grew up with that spirit. Preaching and no joy. Sadly, somehow, I am living with that spirit. Reading the bible and praying but no joy.

In this season, I refuse to let joy be stolen just because life is hard or people are way too religious.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
— John 10:10

And maybe… just maybe… it is time for us to reclaim it.

Joy is not dependent on circumstances. Joy is not the absence of pain. Joy is the presence of God in the midst of everything we face.

It's time to stop letting bitterness masquerade as holiness. It's time to stop confusing heaviness with spirituality. It's time to remember that our God is a God of joy, and that joy, real, deep, unshakeable joy, is part of our inheritance as His daughters.

"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
— Psalm 16:11

So, I am reclaiming my joy. I lost it somewhere along the way, in the waiting, in the disappointment, in the heaviness of carrying burdens that were never mine to bear, and in marriage. But I'm done with that.

I'm reclaiming my joy and removing myself from people who don't carry joy or life. I refuse to let their spiritual heaviness become my normal. I want to live in that abundant life that Jesus talks about... not just as a promise for heaven, but as a reality we can experience right here on earth.

Because I do believe we can have life more abundantly in the here and now. Jesus didn't say, "I have come that they may have life after death." He said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly"—present tense, available now.

​The abundant life isn't waiting for us in glory. It's waiting for us to stop accepting spiritual poverty as holy and joy-stealing relationships as normal. It's time to live like daughters of the King we claim to serve.
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​Joy is here... wake up!